omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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