So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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