his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
