I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
