in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
