I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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