do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize