You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
