The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
