Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
