it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
