She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
