you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
