smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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