It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
