Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
