You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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