Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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