Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
