We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
