her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
