what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
