After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize