I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
