I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
