Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
