FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
