how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
