Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize