So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
