By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
