Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
