I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sarcasm needs its own font
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
