I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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