Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
