I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
