I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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