now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
