I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
