i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
