You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I party with great urgency now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
