i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
