smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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