So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
