# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize