Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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