I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
