i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize