Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
