I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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