You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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