now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
