Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
