hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
why do cheetos always look like penises
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
