I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
