You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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