dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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