Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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