I'll bet she douches with gravy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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