I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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