Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
