Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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