I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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