Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
