Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
