if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
