so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
