This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
