OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
