oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
