Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
