Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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