I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
